Saturday, 27 December 2008, 2:01 am
I am gay. It has taken me a while to be able to say this, but it is something important for me to share with you now. I have been out to myself for a few years and, one by one, have shared this with my family. I have recently decided to let my friends know. I’ve realize that by telling you this, there is a chance I may lose you as a friend; however, by not telling you and not being able to share the central events of my life, our friendship would certainly diminish over time.
It has been more and more of a burden to keep this from you in recent months. You can think of it as an invisible wall between us that restricts what I might share with you like the excitement of dating somebody new or the pain of breaking up. I hope this letter will help tear down that invisible wall.
You might have suspected for some time that I am gay since I stopped talking about dating women. On the other hand, my being gay may have come as a complete surprise. Hopefully, in some time, our relationship will be closer than it ever has.
When you call and ask me what is going on in my life I might say, “nothing,” or only share some of what I am doing, but that is not the full story. I am not trying to deceive you, but have felt restrained because I could not tell you the whole truth. This deception has been eating at me for some time and I’m tired of it. So this was the choice I had to make: either keep lying and allow us to grow even farther apart, or tell the truth and hopefully have a better relationship and friendship in the long run.
Although you may not comprehend what it is like to be gay, I hope that you will still love and respect me. Know that I am the same person now as I was before you read this letter; you just know one more thing about me. I am still the same “Farook” with the same personality, interests and hobbies. Nobody chooses to be gay and I accept myself and am happy with who I am. At this point I am completely out and open about this part of my life and I am comfortable with you being open about it as well. When you are ready, please write or call. I look forward to discussing this with you.
I wish to touch on another subject that is directly related with the main purpose of this letter. When I was in high school I joined and became heavily involved in the LDS Church. Those experiences were great and important for me to have. My years of high school were enjoyed with the great company of friends, teachers and mentors as I learned more about religion and spirituality. My first few years of college were at Brigham Young University, which the LDS Church owns and operates. Those years were great and I was able to start great friendships that I hope will last a lifetime.
My view of my experience with the Church can be related to one’s experience with high school. It was an important experience for me and I really enjoyed it; however, I don’t need to spend the rest of my life in high school. I have moved on to the next phase of my life bringing with me those valuable and special experiences that have impacted who I am. I think the Church is a fascinating institution that has a great capacity to help people and benefit the world. While the Church has many great people who do much good, they also have some people who do things that are frustrating and angering. I think many of the doctrines and philosophies of the Church are good; however, at this time, I have no desire to comply or affiliate with any religious system or institution.
Like many people, I still have desires to graduate from college, start my career, establish a home with a lifelong partner and enjoy the benefits of life with someone that I love. I have no desire to have children and don’t expect that to change. I have dated different guys and enjoyed the joys of a relationship. I currently live with my partner Charlie. We have lived together since May of 2008 and started dating the previous fall. We have a wonderful home in downtown Salt Lake and have a fun Yellow Lab named Jake. Charlie received his degree in accounting and currently works for a communications company here in Salt Lake. He is very supportive of my pursuit of an engineering degree from the University of Utah.
I have so much gratitude for the many things that have happened in my life – countless friends who have been very supportive and understanding and also my family for their love and support.
If I could ask one thing of you, it would be to treat all people with respect. Keep an open heart and an open mind when considering the lives of those who think or believe differently than you. I hope that you’ll continue to consider me your friend. Life is an adventure and I hope to make the journey with you.
With much love,
Farook Khan
